The Tombs of Atuan & Freedom

I'm rereading some of Ursula K. Le Guin's Earthsea novels.  In her second novel, The Tombs of Atuan, Ged/Sparrowhawk have helped Tenar escape from dark earth powers on the island of Atuan.  This takes place right after they are leaving the island in Ged's boat.  The night before Tenar had felt an extreme lethargy of emotion.

"Now," he said, "now we're away, now we're clear, we're clean gone, Tenar.  Do you feel it?"

She did feel it.  A dark hand had let go its lifelong hold upon her heart.  But she did not feel joy, as she had in the mountains.  She put her head down in her arms and cried, and her cheeks were salt and wet.  She cried for the waste of her years in bondage to a useless evil.  She wept in pain, because she was free.

What she had begun to learn was the weight of liberty.  Freedom is a heavy load, a great and strange burden for the spirit to undertake.  It is not easy.  It is not a gift given, but a choice made, and the choice may be a hard one.  The road goes upward towards the light; but the laden traveler may never reach the end of it.

I think of all the Arab countries throwing off the tyranny of dictators, and trying to make a great country out of the ashes, but often they put just another dictator in place.  I think that the responsibility of being free is the great burden that Tenar is talking about.  I really like the phrase "weight of liberty."  I think that people often forget or don't even think about all the things that come with liberty...which all comes to choice - even if they think of it by a different name; giving the choice to everyone, having to actually make a choice.

In Russia a lot of the elderly people would go back to communism if they could.  Because choice & freedom is balanced by security.  In almost all forms of their government the Russian people have traded security for a lack of choice, or a lessening of freedom.  America has a greater amount of freedom and a greater sense of choice but a lot lesser feeling of security.  After 9/11 we seem to have traded in a bit of our freedoms for a little bit more security. 

In fact, we can trace this question of choice vs security back to the great Council in Heaven.  Heavenly Father offered us all the opportunity for freedom - we would have all the choice in the world, but not everyone would return and be worthy to live eternally with Him.  Lucifer offered us an opportunity to all return to live with our Father in Heaven...the ultimate security.  None of us would have to do anything (after this one choice), but on earth we would not have choices at all, plus we wouldn't grow, or improve...we would be damned - no more progression.

Sometimes in my life now I feel like I am damned - not because of others or God doing it.  I feel like I can't make a choice, or I'm too scared make a choice.  That's the depression and anxiety talking.  Lately I've been thinking that I need to get back on the horse.  That I need to go back to the place of my defeat and "hunt the hunter" as Ogion the Silent says to Ged in Le Guin's first book A Wizard of Earthsea.